Casey at the Schmooze
by Carl Pritchard

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the project team that day,
The customer was whining, and they weren't going to pay.

And then when Einstein left the project, and Beavis did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the workers who remained.

A straggling few got transferred out in deep despair. The rest
clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast.
They thought, "if only Casey could but share with them the news.
We'd put up even money now, with Casey at the schmooze."

But meetings hindered Casey, as did also coffee breaks;
and the former went for hours, while no progress they did make.

So upon that stricken project team, grim melancholy oozed;
for there seemed but little chance of Casey getting to the schmooze.

But the meeting actually ended, to the wonderment of all.
And the coffee break was short and Casey made it down the hall.

And when the dust had lifted, and they saw what had occurred,
there was Casey with the customer and Einstein's voice was heard.

Then from the project team and boss there rose a lusty yell;
it rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;

it pounded through on the mountain and recoiled with a rant;
for Casey, mighty Casey, showed the customer the Gantt.

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place,
there was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile lit Casey's face.

And when, responding to the questions, he nodded to the PERT,
no stranger on the team could doubt t'was Casey on alert.

Two dozen eyes were on him as he turned his slide show on.
The voices all applauded with their fear of failure gone.

Then, while the one tough customer raised questions off-the-hip,
defiance flashed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

A question on the due date came hurtling through the air,
and Casey said "we'll make the day" in haughty grandeur there.

Close by the project manager, his VP, he did lean.
"I'm worried 'bout these milestones and deliverables unseen."
From the cubicles and telecon, there was a muffled cough,
from the disbelieving doubters who all knew the VP's off.

"Stop him! Stop the management!" someone whispered in the band,
and it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.
With a smile of Christian charity, great Casey's visage shone,
he stilled the rising tumult, as he led the meeting on.

He signaled to the customer to raise their next concern,
And they spoke of angry users and the help desk's failed returns
The VP looked more worried as the customer outlined
Problem after problem, and the project firm maligned.
They talked of early close-out and of shutting things all down
They talked of early settlement; said the PM was a clown
The team saw Casey's face grow cold, they saw his temples strain,
and they knew that Casey wouldn't send the project down the drain.

The sneer has fled from Casey's lip, the teeth are clenched in rage.
He pulls the spec and project files, he flips from page to page.

A contract clause is cited, and vendor names are called,
and one last schmooze attempts to stop the cruelest blow of all
Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright.
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light.
And, somewhere men are laughing, and managers all shout,

but there is no joy in Project-land--
mighty Casey has struck out.